Feng Shui Quotes

Feng Shui Content
Main Page	Feng Shui
Silver Dragons	Carson City Kid - Jonny Tam - "Dry" Martini - Hobart - Leroy Long - Jin Chow - Striker 9
Critical Shift	J Money - Teddy Choi - Biorn Baud - Hunter - Dimitri Bear
Quotes	Feng Shui Quotes
All Content	Category:Feng Shui

The quotes page for our Feng Shui games, mainly taken down by Beth.

The Dragon Pearls

"Many men suffer from premature ejection!"

-Brian as Ross Martini immediately after ejecting a pilot from his aircar (and stealing it)

"Where are we going next, Ching Chong?"

"Man with little to say have much on mind. Man with much to say have little."

(Pulling out ration bar and interrupting)"Nom nom nom nom..."

-Matt as Lo Ping and Seth as Striker 9

"Does the mostly seducted princess bring me my martini?"

"Mostly seducted?"

"Better than subducted."

"It's Martini, I think he'd like his princess mostly subducted."

"Partially trapped under the mantle?"

-Brian, then Matt and Mike

"Are they escaping quickly, or at the speed of plot?"

-Matt

"Where we're going, we don't need noodles."

"WHAT!?!?!?"

-Mike and Brian

"We need a montage here. We're flying low over the ocean so that Martini can hang Lo Ping out the back of our stolen hovercar by his grappling hook so that we can kick a whale in the head."

-Mike

"It's (the jade sword) older than Lo Ping."

"...woah."

"Lo Ping got made on Thursday or Friday."

"So the sword's more of a Tuesday/Wednesday thing."

"Yeah, early Tuesday."

-Steve, then Brian and Mike re: the Jade Sword

"That's a whale of a bomb out there."

-Mike re: the remains of a whale that has been rigged with explosives and strapped to the underside of a hovercar for use as an improvised bomb

"Strangely, this Jade Sword cuts through steel chain."

"It cuts through steel like butter."

"But butter doesn't cut steel."

"Quiet."

-Steve, then Mike, Mike, and Mike

Mike’s Feng Shui

“I could train you.”

“But that means I’d have to put down my martini.”

“Actually, no.”

-Wang and Brian as Dry Martini

Quest for the Golden Funkchuk

“So let me get this straight: the cop is playing the good cop with the waitress as the bad cop?”

“Yes. It’s effective, isn’t it?”

“Oh, no argument here. Just checking.”

-Beth and Mike

“Intelligence can only go so high – stupidity is bottomless.”

-Mike P

"Oh, I see, put the black man in chains!"

-Leroy Long

“Sphere of Agony and Death!”

“Fire Code violation!”

-Matt and Mike

X Marks the Spot

High Society

“It seems to be a restaurant on a boat.”

“That’s not good. We’ve sank the last six or seven boats we’ve been on.”

-Matt and Brian

“I’m on a boat, right?”

“You’re on a boat.”

“Okay. This is what I’m going to do: Boat versus Ninja.”

-Brian and Matt

“The top floor is off limits. Bree bree bree plot here.”

-Brian

“More bodies to hide.”

“I think there was a laundry chute in that bathroom.”

“Sure!”

-Brian as Ross Martini, Steve as the Carson City Kid, and Matt

“Hold my beer – this is going to be cool! TM.”

-Steve as the Carson City Kid

“I am running past the ninjas. I am in no way running away from peacocks.”

-Brian re: his nefarious plan to get ornamental peacocks to attack invading ninjas

“The kamikaze cowboy strikes again!”

-Leroy Long re: The Carson City Kid

“Yes. They’re ninjas with machine guns. And a helicopter.”

-Matt re: the Obsidian Ninja

“Oh. So I’ve just killed us all. Good.”

-Brian

“Because if you don’t have a plan, there is yahoo cowboy worst plan ever involving dynamite.”

-Steve

Working on the Railroad

"The man on the wanted poster looks Chinese."

"I look Chinese."

"You all look Chinese."

"...fuck."

-Mike as Jonny Tam, Beth as Jin Chow, Steve, and Mike as Jonny Tam again

It Belongs in a Museum

"Six aces sounds like a winner hand in poker then."

"It usually is. You just got to make sure you also got six bullets in your gun and are playing with less than five other people."

-Tam and The Carson City Kid

"Why is everyone offering all this advice about how to dismember him to me?"

"I believe because when we asked how we were going to bargain with him, you held up a sword."

-Jin and Leroy

"Advice from the Carson City Kid on how to act polite in public: if a gentleman pops anything out in front of you, act surprised, and then beat it with a stick."

-Carson City Kid to Jin

"Bartender: Dry Martini. That's the name on the tab, and also what I'd like to order."

-Dry Martini

"When a man orders his bitches to leave, the bitches don't know anything."

"Some people underestimate the bitches. I don't make that mistake."

-Matt and Brian

"I figure this will also make Woo shut up for five minutes."

"Yeah. He's screaming like Ruby Rod."

-Mike and Matt

"Bitches: bar fight. You should know what you have to do."

-Dry Martini

"Cuisinart is not okay with this solution."

-Mike, re: the demon eating the agony grenade

"It appears Mr. Woo has also been visited by <insert list of characters here>."

-Dry Martini

"I choose my warriors carefully."

Jonny Tam, re: The Kid

"I'm startin' to get sick of the metric system; everything is five miles away."

-The Carson City Kid

"It's the Cross of Coronado that caused this - it's got this giant sphere of avarice around it."

"Carson, do me a favor please, just so I can make sure that you're not making all of this up."

"Yeah?"

"Define 'avarice'."

"Uhhh... it's this giant mountain just outside of Tibet..."

"...Thank you, Carson."

-Carson City Kid and Jin

"Now hold on a minute here. Do we have anyone in the room that can translate Jive to Ancient Chinese?"

"Unfortunately."

-Carson City Kid and Jin

"While we were standing here, one of your own came in and stole the Cross!"

"Wait one moment, Honored Mayor. One, two, three, four... fuck."

-Matt (as Golden Hand) and Jonny Tam

"Steve, you are never allowed to make a Wocket in any other game. Ever ever EVER!"

"I robbed the bad idea express for that one!"

-Mike and Steve

"We hear what sounds like a reload, and that's never good. That means there's a fucking ton of dudes out there."

-Mike

"I fear you. I really do."

-Mike to Brian

The Closet from Hell

"You're welcome to walk, in interest of ass power."

-Jonny Tam to Leroy Long, re: Leroy not wanting to ride on a donkey

"Technically they're not castrated. They're eunuchs."

"...no, actually, that means they're castrated."

-Matt and Mike P and Beth

"You no longer desire to be the shit."

"Crap. I have to play this?"

"Jin no longer believes in love."

"Oh, this should be interesting."

"Jonny no longer cares if people live or die."

"Oh, great. Jonny's turning sociopathic."

-Matt, Mike P, Matt, Beth, Matt, Mike

"Leroy's concerned that this might be a bit too ostentatious."

"Carson City Kid is worried it might not be safe."

-Beth and Steve

"Now we need to come up with a good plan. We can't just go racing in there."

-Carson City Kid

"Life is pain. Everyone's going to betray and hurt me anyways, so I might as well cut myself first. Leroy, do you have any eyeliner?"

"First of all, it's called guy-liner..."

-Jin and Leroy

"Well, I could shave off the 'fro..."

-Leroy

"So now we've got a safe corner in the room, as long as you don't mind fighting beneath giant arcs of electricity."

"I've done dumber."

-Mike and Beth

"Colt .45...works...."

-Leroy

"Yeee-ha, fresh air!" ::click click:: "... Fuck."

-Carson City Kid

The Eyes Have It

"Just curious: what would happen if we plug this juncture into 69 with a bunch of jumper cables and horseshoes?"

"NO."

-The Carson City Kid and Jonny Tam

"Fight or flight?"

"We're already in flight."

"It's flighting fight, our favorite!"

-Leroy Long, Jin Chow, and the Carson City Kid

"Leave it to The Kid to get them all worked up over a few Carson-O-gens."

-Leroy Long, re the Grumps complaining about the Carson City Kid smoking.

"You are totally going to become their patron saint."

"Carson leaves his mark on everything."

-Beth and Steve re: The Carson City Kid introducing the Grumps to Tabasco

"We've created the Church of Carson. Or at least the Church of Tabasco."

-Matt

"To quote the great Maya Angelou 'SHUT YO ASS UP!'"

-Leroy Long re: The City Eye constantly quoting poetry.

"If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?"

"I don’t think you can bleed."

"How does this tickle you, Merchant of Menace?"

-The City Eye, the Carson City Kid and Leroy Long

"People aren't entirely sure how much later they regain consciousness."

"What part of THAT was a good idea?!?"

"What?!?"

-Matt, Leroy Long and Jonny Tam re: a rather poor failure on an attempt to use a compressed gas tank as a missile, followed by an even worse failure on an attempt to deflect its ricochets away from the party that left them temporarily deaf.

"You see advertisements for all sorts of beauty enhancements from hair alterations to prosthetic muscle enhancements.”

"Don’t even think about it."

"What? Why mess with perfection, baby?" (kisses his right bicep)

- Matt, Jin Chow and Leroy Long

"Hey, Kid. Sink their car."

-Jonny Tam, re: the Gravcars firing on the player's stolen Zogee convertible

"Colt Forty Five - it works every time."

-Matt and Leroy Long simultaneously after Leroy shoots down a Buro zero-G patrol car with one shot.

"Are you guys going to attempt to slam the Zogee Lifter into the City Eye? Wow. We need Martini."

"...should the players choose to decapitate a God..."

-Matt and Mike StP

"I have a 15 on Sabotage to bullshit a truck missile."

-Mike StP

While the party is descending towards Earth rapidly on a Gravity Crane, a device that resembles a rug which has the ability to nullify or invert gravity, two things explode in the sky behind them, and tens of thousands of tons of shipping containers rain down all about from the Zogee lifter above, Mike StP plays Magic Carpet Ride.

Seth’s Feng Shui

“Hobart thinks we shoot first and ask questions later. If it’s still moving.”

-Matt

“Hobart is not a patient abomination!”

-Matt as Hobart

“Sorry.”

“We’re done.”

“For like two minutes.”

-Mike and Matt

“You have totally just pwned the dresser.”

“Hobart is the scourge of furniture everywhere.”

-Mike and Matt as Hobart

Critical Shift

An Improper Story

"Oh, we so fucked!"

-Wong, repeatedly.

Night Shift

"We get them all drunk and high, and then we convince them to make an alliance, and then we convince them to work for us, and then we have an ironworks Feng Shui site guarded by Siberian bears with AK-47s."

"...What does everyone think?"

"I think that's a better plan. I'm not saying it's a good plan, but it's a better plan."

"It's a brilliant plan. Bear minions! With AK-47s!"

-Beth, Matt, Colin, and Beth

"There's also a slave."

"What?"

"Did I forget to mention the slave?"

-Matt, everyone else, Matt

"All you could do is open it to find time."

"And what does that take, mystical woogie shit?"

"No, pulling that level."

"This lever?"

-Lo Ping, Viper, Lo Ping, and J-Money

"Little snake-girl, what kind of shit did you give me?"

(looks at 120' high Nethercrawler) "Good shit."

-Dmitri the Siberian bear and Viper

"Uh oh. Something is wrong. That Neverworld guardian - they don't normally leave the Netherworld."

"So I've got to ask, because I'm high - are we IN the Netherworld?"

"Are the walls breathing?"

"Yes."

"...Don't listen to her. Disengage."

-Lo Ping, Viper, Lo Ping, Viper, and Teddy Choi